that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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