I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
