Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
