I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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