I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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