Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
