i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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