Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
