i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
