just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
