I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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