I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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