I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm at about main and main street
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
