I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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