he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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