Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
