Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
