grandma shit on top of the toilet
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
