Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just forgot I was standing up.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
