Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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