I accidentally had phone sex last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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