so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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