they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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