And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
