..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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