he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
