If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
