i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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