Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the condom got lost in my hair
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
