I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
