Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
