You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
