More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
