May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
