Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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