Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize