Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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