I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize