hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
