idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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