Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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