Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
