He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
