The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
