my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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