tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
