Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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