So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
