i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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