When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
not ubering you a puppy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
