Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
