He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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