Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
