The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
