You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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