Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
tell me about the fingering
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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