Hey man sorry I got all grabby
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
