I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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