just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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