Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize