Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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