I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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