Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
