big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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